Ole: (on the phone) Hello, is dis the desk tew American Airlines?
Sven: Yes it is.
Ole: I’d like to know how long it takes tew fly from Minneapolis tew Fargo.
Sven: Ok, just a minute.
Ole: Vell… if it has to go that fast, I think I’ll just take da bus.

Ole: Nice to see you Sven Junior – vat is wrong?
Sven Junior: Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat because I’m
Norvegian?
Ole: No Sven Junior… dat’s because your nineteen years old!

Ole: Sven, do you know the difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?
Sven: No, I don’t.
Ole: A canoe will sometimes tip.

Ole: Hey Sven, stand in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working.
Sven: OK. (He looks) Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no…

Ole: Ole, yew know, I bought Lena a piano for her birt-day.
Sven: Ya, dat’s what I had heard Ole – how’s it going?
Ole: Well I persuaded her to switch to the clarinet.
Sven: Well, why is that Ole?
Ole: Because vith the clarinet, she can’t sing.

Ole: Hey Doc, I yust don’t know vat to do. Lena and me, vell, our sex life yust ain’t going dat vell.
Sven/Doc: Ole, all you need is some exercise. I vant you to walk 10 miles every day. You call me in a week, and tell me how it’s going.
**One week later, the phone rings in the doctor’s office**
Sven/Doc: Hello.
Ole: Doc, dis is Ole.
Doc: Hello Ole. Have you been walking 10 miles every day?
Ole: Yes.
Doc: And has your sex life improved?
Ole: Well, how in da heck vould I know – I’m 70 miles avay from home!

Ole: Vell Sven, what a great day fishin huh – sit’in in da boat on such a nice day.
Sven: Oh ya, we have never caught so many fish – von after the utter!
Ole: I wish we could mark that spot – it’s da best fishin I’ve seen since I was a boy.
Sven: I got some chalk in my tackle box – so why don’t I put an X right here on the side of the boat?
Ole (laughing): You goofy brother of mine… what if we don’t rent the same boat the next time?

Ole: Well Sven, I’ve got great news!
Sven: What’s that Ole?
Ole: Vell, you know how we’ve been talking about maybe moving to a more expensive apartment?
Sven: Ya.
Ole: Vell, now we don’t have tew move, the landlord just raised the rent!

Ole: Sven, I don’t know how we’re going to get this donkey into the barn… it’s darn ears are too long!
Sven: I have an idea, how about if ve yust raise the barn?
Ole: (thinking) I tink it vould be easier tew dig a trench.
Sven: No, you dummy, it’s da ears dat are to long, not dah legs!

Ole: Why is it, Sven, that whenever we play cards – yew bring your wife… and whenever we go fishin – yew bring your wife… and whenever we go bowling – yew bring your wife?
Sven: Have you notice that Lena is kinda… ugly?
Ole: Vell, ya.
Sven: Vell, dis way, I don’t never have to kiss her goodbye.

Ole: (old Ole Voice) Well Lena, I’m almost 92 and you’re 89. I only have one question for you: Vat ever happened tew our sex relations?

LENA: Vell Ole, I just don’t know. I don’t even tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.

Posted by Pastor Rick Stieve on November 13th, 2009