December 8 – 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a
Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
snow!
December 9 – We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best
idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a
boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the
snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.



December 12 – The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white
Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so
much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again.
I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s
our neighbor.



December 14 – Snow lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything
again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but
I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and
puff so.



December 15 – 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.



December 16 – Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like crazy. The wife laughed for an
hour, which I think was very cruel.



December 17 – Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to
stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate
her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her.
I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in
my own living room. December 20 – Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of the darn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Snowplow came by
twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re
too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might
have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have
to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.



December 22 – Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white crap fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t
melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and
dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a
plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy.
I think he’s lying.



December 23 – Only 2″ of snow today! And it warmed up to 0! The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she
nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did
but I think she’s lying.



December 24 – 6″. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the jerk who drives that snow plow I’ll drag him through the snow and beat him with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the
street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and
open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the rotten
snowplow.



December 25 – Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the crappy stuff tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. Geez I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s crazy. If I have to watch “It’s A
Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.



December 26 – Still snowed in. Why on earth did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.



December 27 – Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber
came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to
replace all my pipes.



December 28 – Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed
in. That woman is driving me crazy!!!



December 29 – 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?



December 30 – Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now
suing me for a million dollars not only for the beating I gave him but also
for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his butt. The wife went
home to her mother. 9″ predicted.



December 31 – I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more
shoveling.



January 8 – Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Posted by Pastor Rick Stieve on November 13th, 2009